she was so not down for the gang bang
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
