Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
