Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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