i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
