I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Randomize
