Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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