GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
