Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
