Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
