she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
