:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
