please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i was born a porn star she said
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
