Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
