it wasn't lemon gatorade
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
she told me i tasted like america
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
