Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
