I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
