Pappa wants mamma naked
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
