Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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