my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
