I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
