OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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