I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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