I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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