my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
