I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
