she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
