I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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