At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
