Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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