Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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