all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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