I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
