do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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