So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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