Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
