U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
In America we eat man semen.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
