The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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