If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize