Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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