did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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