dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
