I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
