I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
