you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
