Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Drake has all the answers
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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