piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
