so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
