Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
