Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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