now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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