Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
