my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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