drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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