That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
