I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
