woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize