Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
