His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
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