I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
