Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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