Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
How external is "for external use only"?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
