Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
