why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
it was like eating out sand paper
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
