When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
