I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize