Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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