she was so not down for the gang bang
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
