I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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