I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
