marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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