Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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