I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
