Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
