Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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