and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
