I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
