i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
