i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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