I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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