Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
