It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
