"it" just moved
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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