3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
what the fuck happened to the tacos
You left your phone here
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