like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
he fucked my hip out of place.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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